This term is
used to describe an absolute master/slave relationship, that is to say a
relationship where the slave has irrevocably given over complete control of her
person and life to her master, so that the resulting power exchange permeates
every part of their lives, leading to a complete inter-dependence.
The slave
cannot relinquish her legal and moral responsibility as an adult for her own
actions, but it is understood between master and slave that her consent to the
TPE, once given, can only be withdrawn under very particular circumstances
(sanity and legality cover most of these). Physical restrictions may enhance the
slave's commitment, and although of course legally either partner is free to
leave the relationship, TPE is as much a mental as physical state for both
master and slave.
Definitions
of "TPE" vary considerably, from relationships that aim for consummate levels of
dependency, to Modified TPEs, to stable 24/7 relationships. In my view the
latter may be aiming towards a TPE, but cannot be described as having the level
of inter-dependency required by a strict definition of the phrase. That being
said, most popular BDSM phrases seem to have a myriad of definitions floating
about nowadays and I don't think it matters what you call your relationship so
long as it meets your needs.
It takes an
immense amount of time and energy to even begin working towards a TPE
relationship, let alone reach a stage nearing absolute power exchange. A
strictly defined TPE is a long-term goal - an ideal of complete
inter-dependency.
Any level of
TPE can only be attained by slow and careful sculpting of a relationship where
the partners have already acquired deep trust, understanding and knowledge of
each other and themselves - sometimes a stressful and painful process. The bond
becomes so strong that it is "impossible" for the slave to leave the
relationship. As for the master, perhaps the extent of inter-dependency, and
level of responsibility taken on, mean the possibility for him to leave the
relationship also diminishes in line with the intensity of the power exchange.
In my view these factors are what set TPE apart from Dom/sub relationships. Just
as "ownership" can be a state of mind, though not a legal reality, so the
partners in a TPE relationship are absolutely committed to an immutable "no way
out " bond.
Physical
restrictions can also make it more and more difficult for the slave to leave -
for example most TPE slaves consent to having no control over, or access to,
finances or property without their master's permission, and may well have
restrictions on their movements. This intentionally frees the slave to
concentrate on the relationship, her duties and her master, other matters being
beyond her control. Well-founded trust is of great importance, and the freedom
felt by the slave has an empowering effect.
The master's
power, and slave's submission to that power, do not mean the slave is
necessarily micro-managed - the essential factor is that the overall authority,
the level of control set, and the ultimate responsibility, belong to the master.
He aims for a precise balance between supervising the slave's life and
encouraging creativity, the aim of the relationship being not boredom and the
stifling of spirit, but excitement, deep physical and mental contact, and the
freedom to evolve. The relationship hierarchy becomes second-nature, affecting
every part of life, and making formal negotiations and contracts redundant.
In return
for taking control of, and responsibility for, the life and body of the slave,
the master is free to mould the slave and relationship to his requirements. In
real terms, a genuine master does not make any decision detrimental to the
well-being of the relationship. This plus consent are two of the most important
factors that set any level of master/slave relationship apart from abusive
relationships.
The slave
gains a known structure to her life, security and most importantly the
fulfillment of the need to be owned as a TPE slave - as with all matters BDSM,
need (and desire) play an important part in guiding the relationship towards
things that satisfy and benefit both partners; in this case the partners need
and want more than the levels of permanence and security afforded by a
conventional relationship.
Both
partners' positions, duties and responsibilities become clearly defined. This
certainty allows the partners the freedom to realize their full potential rather
than have to continuously negotiate and struggle for a balance of power. They
become not so much "a couple", as two halves of one entity - again this
dissolves the need for contracts and conscious expressions of control - one half
automatically balances, acts and reacts with the other.
I have
purposefully left out any mention of limits in my attempt to explain my view of
a Total Power Exchange. Everyone has limits, including masters and slaves in TPE
relationships. Even if you are open to the exploration of most activities your
mind can dream up, legal and moral standards apply, and there are a whole heap
of things you just wouldn't contemplate doing. Any caring relationship involves
discussion and communication (even if not described as such) as to likes,
dislikes, desires and needs, but in a TPE the master does have the final say in
all matters, and his molding of the slave may include anything from giving her
duties or restricting her activities to body modification. In my experience TPEs
rarely involve a formal system of rules and punishments; since the synergy
involved means the partners become "one entity", punishment is not always
appropriate.
And just
like other master/slave relationships, TPEs don't always run smoothly; I doubt
there are any slaves who do not every-so-often feel the need to rebel against
their situation because of frustration, worry, an inner conflict between how
they see their role in life and what society finds acceptable, or plain
moodiness. And I don't think there are any masters who do not every-so-often
feel the responsibility is overwhelming, or on a bad day just feel plain
un-masterful. However a TPE is set up so that problems are dealt with openly,
and when they do arise they do not shake it's solid foundations or the ideals
aimed for.
"Total Power
Exchange" infers that every thought, deed and part of the partners' lives is
affected by and reflects the absolute power exchange in their relationship, and
the power exchanged is formidable; those in a TPE have spent a long time
building up their strengths and dissolving weaknesses - power and independence
have to be known before one can relinquish them or accept them from someone
else, and benefit from the results. It takes determined characters to know
exactly what you want out of such a relationship and build towards that.
Finally I'd
like to add the obvious. Every BDSM relationship is different - the diversity is
part of the thrill. The above is just a personal view of what a possible Total
Power Exchange involves… other views may vary and that's fine!
