I decided to
write this article because I have seen so many submissives come into the
lifestyle expecting everything to be dream-like and perfect. I don't wish to
ruin anyone's dreams, or turn them from the activity, but what I wish to do is
to explain how things really are. Being a slave can be, and is for me, a
wonderful life. It's everything I wanted it to be. It is also more than I ever
expected, and had someone explained the realities to me prior to my decision, it
would have made my transition so much easier. For the purpose of this article, I
am addressing issues related to being a 24/7 slave. These comments are from my
viewpoint, which is that of a female slave with a male Master. By no means do I
wish to exclude Domme's or male slaves. For them, I cannot comment from personal
experience. This is just my view from a real-time experience.
First, there
are a few things you need to discover for and about yourself. Do you wish to be
in this type relationship 24/7? Perhaps you only wish to be in it during the
scenes. Maybe you want to role-play at only during certain times. There are many
ways this activity can be done, but you have to figure out what is right for
you.
Second, you
need to learn to be honest with yourself. Figure out what you will and will not
do, and what is a "maybe". Search inside yourself for what you really want, and
when you find it, be honest to anyone you talk to. Don't agree to something
long-term that you know you will not be able accomplish. Ask yourself some hard
questions. The rest of this article will give you aspects to contemplate so you
can base your decisions on reality, and not someone else's dreams of how it
should be.
Are you
prepared to surrender 100% control of your life to someone else? 24/7 slaves do
this. Role-playing would mean entering into this relationship only for the time
agreed upon that the Master would have the total control. Once the scene is
over, everything returns to normal.
Do you enjoy
country music? Maybe you love Rock and Roll. Consider this. The Master who's
collar you will eventually wear, may only like classical or another type of
music that you don't enjoy. Are you prepared to give up those selections and
only listen to His music? This type sacrifice can apply to many other things you
currently enjoy. For myself, I love old love songs of any type, and my Master is
into Hard Rock. Because of His preferences, I rarely get to listen to my songs.
But, when I am a good girl, at times, He does permit me to listen to my choice
of music, as long as I get my assigned tasks and chores done. Note, I said,
"permitted to". Something as simple as listening to the radio is a reward for
me. It is not a given that you will be permitted to enjoy even this little
pleasure whenever you wish. These limitations can apply to many areas of your
life such as TV, choices of food or friends, just about anywhere anything! Is
there a certain style of clothes you love? Certain colors and scents you
wouldn't be caught without? If your Master doesn't approve of them, you may be
wearing a totally different style with colors you never would have dreamed of.
He may lay your clothes out for you every morning. Are you prepared to abide
happily by His choices? If He asked you to wear something very skimpy to
someplace simple like the grocery store, could you do this without hesitation? I
am lucky in the fact that my Master lets me chose my own clothes most of the
time. But at anytime, should He decide that He wants me to wear something else,
I am to change immediately. Trust me, He does exercise this right. I have
learned to always ask Him what He would like me to wear if we are going
someplace special.
Are you
prepared to change your hairstyle, length, or color to please your Master? All
of these will belong to Him once you accept your collar as will everything else
that once belonged to you. You will no longer own anything. From the time you
take His collar, everything will be His. It will no longer be "your" car or
"your" clothes, but "His", on loan to you as He sees fit. If He should so
choose, you will not be permitted to wear clothes at all. This will be HIS
choice, not yours. Remember, you will have given up all rights to make these
choices for yourself.
You have a
favorite chair, or a certain way you like to sit or walk? Your Master will
decide whether you sit on furniture or on the floor. He will have the say if you
are to cross your legs, or sit with them spread wide-open. You will have to ask
permission to even climb into bed, or sit on a chair. Most slaves are allowed a
cushion on the floor that they do not need permission to sit upon, but very
little else. You will even need permission to eat at the table with your Master.
It's been a
long hard day at work. You get home and want nothing more than to relax in a tub
and go to bed early. Well, you won't be able to. Being tired, ill, or just in a
bad mood does not excuse you from your required tasks. You are still required to
do them: prepare His meal, and go to bed when HE tells you to. Retiring for bed
usually occurs at a set time, even if you are not ready to go. There will not be
an "I am too tired" or "I don't feel well": nothing of the kind. Unless your
Master has excused you from your tasks and chores, you will remain responsible
for making sure His needs and wants are filled: no matter what. It is your job
to inform your Master of your physical health status. One of your main jobs will
be to take care of and protect, His possessions. You being are the most prized
one He owns. As long as you let your Master know how you are feeling, He will
make sure that your tasks will be appropriate to your capabilities.
Many come
into this lifestyle looking to be used sexually, to service their Master at His
whim. They never consider other aspects. The main part of being a slave is to be
of service to your Master, and not to be serviced for yourself. However, being
readily available to Him at ALL times is also an unspoken expectation. The old
excuse "not tonight dear, I have a headache" doesn't work in a D/s relationship.
In order to provide Him pleasure, you must also express to Him the pleasure of
the moment for you as well. NEVER make your Master feel this is a chore to you:
something you would rather not do, but will only because you have to. If your
Master tells you to do something, it will not be up to you to question Him. You
will be required to respond with no questions asked. At a later time (if this is
permitted in your relationship), you may ask Him for permission to speak on an
equal level. If He gives permission, this will be your opportunity to ask your
questions. However, it is important to ask in a way so as not to question His
authority, but at the same time to satisfy your curiosity.
Do you feel
being a slave is to be coerced: forced into servitude? Do you think you couldn't
do this unless you were? Then think again. Slaves enter into this relationship
of their own free will. This is not the day of forced slavery; it is a matter of
choice. YOURS! You are the one who will decide to give over your power to your
Master. You will be doing this, not because you are forced to obey, but because
you need to. Yes, during the course of your relationship there will be times you
will be forced to do something, but it will never be something that goes against
who you are. Your Master may feel obeying this command will help you to grow
into the best person you can be, or will help you break out of an inhibition you
have.
How is your
temper? Are you quick to fly off-of-the-handle when you are upset? Or are you
laid back, accepting anything and everything, and then go off to sulk because
your feelings were hurt? A Master does not wish to have a doormat for a slave
nor does He desire to be told how things should be. Learning when and how to say
things will become very important in your relationship. If you do not tell your
Master when something is bothering you, then you have no right whatsoever to
become upset. However wonderful and omnipotent He may seem, He is not a mind
reader: unless you tell Him, He won't know. The key, as I said a moment ago, is
in how you tell Him.
Your
self-discipline is very important in this relationship. Do you tend to put
things off until the last possible moment? You won't be able to do this when you
are owned. There will be chores and tasks your Master will assign that He
expects to be done in a timely fashion set by Him, not by you. Your Master's
wants and needs will be put before your own. Self-discipline is similar to
self-control. Your ability to follow complete assignments made by your Master
will be very important. As a slave, you will need to be able to control your own
actions well enough to be able to remain within the boundaries set for you by
Him. If He says you can't do something, simply, you can't. Doing it anyway, and
not telling Him doesn't make it right. In the case of a Master/slave
relationship, what you don't know CAN hurt you, as well as the relationship you
have worked so hard to build. Even a simple "white lie" can destroy the trust so
necessary to really establish this type relationship.
As to wants
and needs of your own: do you know the difference between the two? If not, I
strongly recommend you figure them out before entering into servitude. Sometimes
the two are hard to distinguish, but it will become important that you do so.
Your Master will ensure all your "needs" are taken care of, but the "wants" will
be His to allow or not, as He sees fit. Needs are the necessities of life that
are required in order for us to remain mentally and physically healthy. They
allow us to grow emotionally and spiritually. If you can survive without
something, then it is a want. Wants are usually given as a reward for good
behavior.
In order to
be a slave, there will be many things you have to learn to accept within
yourself and adapt to. Your primary purpose in life will be to see to your
Masters pleasure (both mentally and physically) in any manner He should desire.
In order to do this, you will have to learn your Master well. Find out what
pleases and displeases Him. By this, I do not mean just sexually. You will learn
that sex is but a small part of your relationship. Learn to anticipate His every
need and desire without being pushy. His needs and desires will encompass
intellectual stimulation, physical pleasure, emotional support, and many other
things unique to Him. Remember - physical does not equal sexual. Physical
pleasure may include, but is not limited to, touch, favorite foods, textures,
clothing, and colors as examples. It will be your job to make sure His physical
pleasures are met in everyway. Think of the five senses, and make His
environment pleasing to all of them. Never forget - the most pleasing thing in
His environment should be you.
As His
slave, it will be up to you to figure out what pleases your Master. He should
not have to ask constantly for the basic things - you should have learned them.
If His glass is empty, quietly and unobtrusively refill it. Remember, you are
doing this for His pleasure not your own. Just because He does not notice and
praise you doesn't mean you are doing it wrong. Look at His smile. Is He
comfortable? If He looks happy and content, then you have done well, and should
bask in His content. Always remember that you do this for Him and not for your
own satisfaction. Your happiness should come from serving Him and His being
happy.
As I said in
the beginning of this article, I am not trying to scare you away from the world
of D/s. My goal is to make sure that, when you enter our lifestyle, you do so
with your eyes wide open, fully knowing what to expect. The road will not be an
easy one. You will have to re-learn much of what you once took for granted:
things you just did without thinking, like simply sitting in a chair. These are
habits we never even think about anymore. That is, until we find a Master.
Everything
else you learned before reading this article is probably true. Being a slave is
a wonderful life: one where you are taken care of. Most decisions are out of
your hands and in those of your Masters. But, many choices will still be left up
to you. Most Masters want a slave who is smart, has a sense of humor, and a will
of their own. There is no pleasure in owning a doormat who just sits or is only
walked upon. He will become bored very fast. Being yourself is the best advice I
was given, and I have found this to be absolutely true for me.
You will
find being a slave everything you dreamed of and so much more if you enter this
life knowing more of what to expect. If you are meant to be in the lifestyle,
you will find that, where you were once only walked through life, you will be
gliding on air. Parts of you that never were complete will then become whole. In
relinquishing control, I have found freedom: freedom to find and be the person I
am inside.
It is my
hope that, after reading this article, you will be able to make a more informed
choice about entering this lifestyle. Never forget that, one of the most
important requirements for existing in this lifestyle is honesty. Honesty with
yourself first. However, you will find that this is not as easy as it sounds.
Once you learn to do this, you will find yourself at peace and able to enter
your servitude with clearer mind, knowing where you are and where you want to
be. When you accept your Masters collar, you give up all your rights. Your
friends, your life - nothing will remain yours. Being a slave means giving up so
much more than you would if you were only being submissive. You give up all
rights in your life. Slave isn't just a word; it's a way of life, a defined
action. Be well, my friend, and I hope you enjoy this lifestyle as much as I
have come to love being in it.
Anyone wishing to use this article
on their site or mailing list may do so as long as my name and email address
remain on them. Giving credit where it belongs.
miria_hunter@augustaironrose.org
